Why Your Brain Won’t Let Go of Embarrassing Moments

You can crush a big presentation, land a promotion, even throw the perfect dinner party. But what pops into your head at 2 a.m.? That time you waved back at a stranger who wasn’t actually waving at you.

Sound familiar?

It turns out, your brain is better at hanging on to embarrassing moments than the major milestones. So, while your wedding toast may be a little fuzzy, that awkward Zoom unmute incident? Burned into your memory forever.

Here’s why that happens — and what your brain is really trying to do.

Your brain is a drama queen — and that’s not always a bad thing.

The brain’s memory system doesn’t treat all events the same. The emotionally intense moments take priority – and awkwardness, shame, or embarrassment tend to top the list.

“Our brains are wired to prioritize emotions, especially negative or uncomfortable ones,” says Kristin Slyne, PsyD, ABPP-CN, neuropsychologist and neuropsychology program manager with the Behavioral Health Network at Hartford HealthCare. “This negativity bias has helped our ancestors survive by ensuring they wouldn’t repeat mistakes.”

That means you might forget what your boss said in your last meeting, but you’re sure to remember tripping over your words during a presentation.

“Embarrassment activates the amygdala, which then further influences other brain regions involved in memory. This ultimately enhances the consolidation of emotional events,” says Dr. Slyne. “That helps cement the memory more deeply than something routine or neutral.”

In short: If it made you feel something big, especially something uncomfortable, your brain took notes.

> Related: Why Does Caffeine Make Me Nervous? 

Shouldn’t the good moments stick, too?

Ideally, your brain would hang onto the good moments – birthdays, anniversaries, family vacations – but those often fade faster than you’d expect.

“Often, those moments don’t hold the same emotional weight that embarrassing moments do,” says Dr. Slyne. “You probably felt happy, maybe even ecstatic, but was it as strong as the feeling when you last humiliated yourself?”

And if you were distracted or stressed at the time? That makes it even harder for your brain to encode the memory clearly.

Here’s the good news: You can teach your brain what to hold onto.

Well, sort of.

Just because your brain is wired to hang onto awkward moments doesn’t mean it can only remember those.

Here’s how to help positive, important memories stick:

1. Be present in the moment. Try to fully experience big life moments without distractions.
2. Use your senses. What did it smell, sound, or feel like? Sensory input makes memories stronger.
3. Talk about it. Sharing the memory out loud helps reinforce it in your brain.
4. Write it down. Journaling gives your brain a second chance to process and store the experience.

“Memory is like a muscle — the more you use and revisit certain moments, the stronger they become,” says Dr. Slyne.

> Related: Stress or Anxiety: How to Tell the Difference – and What to Do About It

And when it comes to the embarrassing moments?

When an old, uncomfortable memory resurfaces, try to recognize it for what it is — a reminder of how far you’ve come. A simple mental note like, “Thanks, brain — I’ve already learned from this,” can help shift your perspective.

“Being aware of how memory works can help you manage it,” says Dr. Slyne. “You can reframe those moments as signs of personal growth, not failure.”

After all, feeling embarrassed means you care. It means you’ve grown — and that you’d likely handle the situation differently today. And that’s something worth remembering.

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